It didn't even take a week in Chilmalhuacan for me to realize this trip was going to be nothing like I expected. I expected to see poverty, but I wasn't prepared to be overwhelmed by it. It was totally different to see the dirty roads, trash and shack houses. In pictures you cant smell the sewage and animal waste... At orientation my heart broke for the hungry, upon facing it in reality I wondered how my heart could be whole again.
We spent the first few days mostly sitting around, which didn't help the heartbreak much. Now I was upset and felt helpless to do anything about it. God taught me a lot in those first days of not "doing" things. He reminded me that only he has the power to save. He broke me of my desire to serve in order to gain more of his love. He put my heart in check. Knowing him and intimacy with Christ must come first. Everything else is just rubbish compared to knowing him. My focus for this trip changed when I realized this. Now I want to know him more and grow in devotion to others. My desire to love this community needs to come out of his love, his goodness, his power to transform, not mine.