As a student, the most satisfying feeling is getting a good grade on a test. All of the hard work paid off and you understand -- you "get it," you have a good grasp on the material. The university culture has an innate need for understanding, even to the point of idolizing it.
I idolize it.
I idolize it so much that it is something I seek constantly. I have to understand or else I cannot move on to something new. I must understand.
As I was thinking about understanding and my need to understand, I felt like the Pharisees during Jesus' ministry. Men known to be the most holy because they devoted their lives to study the Jewish religion. These men "understood" what it meant to follow God.
But their quest, or rather obsession, for understanding and following the law caused them to misunderstand the greatest man that had ever walked the earth. The Pharisees questioned and condemned Jesus because of their attitude of "being in the know" or knowing what is the "right way" to do something according to the Scriptures.
During the Trek, I am constantly challenged to sit in the tension, to seek the deeper reasons of why certain things bother me. I feel uneasy when I do this. I feel the need for every situation to be resolved quickly and well.
My stomach is turning as I am writing this blog because I am sitting in the tension of many situations: ones of race, gender, privilege, influence, healing, the list goes on and on. But I thank God for he is good. He is good that he is a God that challenges us and allows us to ask questions. He is good that he is pushing me to grow in my faith and grow to be more like him. Thank you, Lord, for you are the Good God.
"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitterness and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven, but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have earthly and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder in every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and secure. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." ~James 3:13-18