The Eye of a Beggar

July 19, 2012

While walking through the red-light district, I caught the eye of a beggar with no legs. I was at a stand still, staring at injustice head on. It was the first time, while walking through the district, where I saw a face to question the justice of God.

Processing this man's face brought me more questions than answers this week. Deep questions about my core beliefs in God and whether or not God is good have become my theme on the Trek. Our host family gives me such a good example of what it looks like to serve God, to love God, and to be used by God. Pondering these deep questions while ministering alongside my host family has been a huge challenge. What it looks like to serve Jesus while waiting for answers or waiting for Jesus to enter deeper into my life has been shown as we do outreach to the local slums and teach English.

A blessing came in the form of a few day retreat with our team. We were brought together for a weekend and allowed to really process what is going on in our ministry sites. For the first time in a long time with my walk with Jesus, I felt like I could ask deep questions - to wrestle and fight back. To allow Jesus to pull us apart and wrestle through questions like "Are you worth following? Are you good? Where is your justice?" gives Jesus room to respond to us. In the midst of it all, a verse really spoke to me that I am going to ponder this week. I wonder what it would look like for you to ponder this verse as well.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin" - Heb. 4:15

Jesus was tempted, just as we are. He was probably hot, sweaty, and dirty, just as we have been on this Trek. Having a God who understands - who was completely human as we are is incredible. Hebrews continues into an even deeper understanding: "...he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him...(5:7)." God really struck me with this. Jesus cried out, was BOLD in his feelings with God. So this weekend, I am asking the questions that I was so afraid to ask. I am going to begin a journey with Jesus into the recesses of my own heart. As we go back to our ministry sites and begin in the last leg of the Trek, I am reminded to continue to take my questions to God - to be offended, confused and lost so as to allow God to meet me where I am at. I must be BOLD in my relationship with a God who mysteriously understands what I am going through.

by Laurel