July 3, 2016 – Mexico
This week has been extremely difficult and one in which I really had to depend on the Lord as well as my teammates. At the beginning of the week, my team, as well as the others at my site, learned that the ministry host site could no longer continue to host us. When I heard this news, my heart dropped to my stomach. Though we had only been with our host mother and her son for a week, I already felt a strong connection with them both. Whether it be cooking with my host mother, talking to her, and her friends about the upcoming election in the U.S., helping her son with his homework, or simply letting him ride on my back - I already felt that my host mom and her son were part of my family. Hearing that we would have to leave them was absolutely heartbreaking.
In the car, after a tearful goodbye, I felt my pain shift to anger, which was aimed at the Lord. I felt myself thinking, “God where are you?!? Why would you let this happen? How could you just rip us away like that?!?” My anger continued to build as I repeatedly questioned how there could be a God that was good when everything seemed so broken.
When I finally sat down to pray, voicing my anger to God and asking for (more like demanding) an explanation, I felt God ask me if I was listening. This response confused me, so I once again demanded an explanation, to which God once again replied, “Are you listening?” After pondering what this could mean, I realized God was referring to the devotion that I had heard that morning. During the devotion, the leader told a story about her daughter. In the story, she, her husband, and her daughter were at a big Christian conference. When it was over, she thought that her husband was getting her daughter and would meet her at the car, so she started walking back. What she did not know was that her husband had walked back to the car without their daughter assuming that his wife would get her. When the both arrived at the car (which was a mile away) without her, they frantically ran back searching for her. They notified the authorities but after an hour of searching their 6-year-old daughter was nowhere to be found. At this point, they started losing hope, fearing that they would not see her again. It was then that they were notified that she had been found. When she came back to them, they asked her how she was feeling and her answer left them floored. She said, “At first, I was afraid, but then I realized something. My parents love me and would never leave me here. Though it seems bad now, I know that my parents will come and find me. After that, I wasn’t afraid anymore.” After telling us this story, the leader challenged us to have this faith, the faith of a child. She encouraged us to trust that God is always there and will never leave us when things seem bad, just like her daughter trusted in her and her husband.
Thinking of this story from the devotion made me feel extremely convicted, because when times seemed bleak, rather than trusting and knowing that God was there, having the faith of a child - I was turning away. In that moment, I realized that God was there with me and was anxiously awaiting to redeem our situation. Though at times I still feel frustrated and unsure about the way things are, I never doubt that God is here and God is good. Each day I pray for the faith of a child.
Written by Madison